As I was preparing for a talk I was giving to a group of parents a few weeks ago, I asked my friends on Facebook and Twitter what they wanted to know about Family Mealtimes and Power Struggles at the table.  As usual, they gave me some excellent ideas.  Of course, they couldn’t be at the talk themselves, so they have asked me to share what I included in my presentation.  This will be the first of several short snippets about Family Mealtimes – hopefully it helps keep the peace at your table.

First, you need to remember that you are not alone if Mealtime = Stress / Whining / Arguing / Negotiating in your house.  Here are some simple ways that you can put yourself in the driver’s seat again and get things back on track.

Ellyn Satter describes what she calls a “Division of Responsibility” during mealtime in her book, Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family.

The parent is responsible for What, When and Where of mealtimes

• Have healthy foods available
• Set a good example – enjoy your food
• Eat meals family style, with at least 3-5 options available to choose from (such as: chicken, veggies, pasta and fruit) at the table
• Don’t Short order cook – your kids choose from the foods on the table that you have prepared
• Don’t take it personally!  It takes as many as 15-20 exposures to a new food before it is tolerated or liked.

The child is responsible for How Much and Whether

• Allow kids to select what they want from what you have offered at the table.
• Allow kids to eat as much as they want of the choices you have offered at the table.
• It is okay if they only eat pasta and fruit but ignore the “green stuff”.  They may want it next time (or next year!)  This is a learning experience without pressure.

Since I am a Type A personality, you can imagine how hard it was for me to let my kids make all of their own decisions at the table.  I mean, really, isn’t 5 helpings of noodles a bit much?  Maybe not, if you are a growing 6 year old boy.  His body will tell him what he needs.  And if my daughter loves bell peppers one day and not the next, that is up to her.

My husband never imagine that it would happen, but I learned to bite my tongue and keep  my trap shut while my kids learn to listen to their own bodies, instead of to me!

For more tips on family mealtimes, healthy eating and cooking with kids, follow me on Twitter.